Today, I was talking with someone that always challenges my thinking, and sometimes forces me to go deep into my feelings, emotions, the rationale for my actions, and other places that sometimes I don't feel like visiting. In a nonchalant manner she asked me, "when are you going to have a boyfriend...a real boyfriend, not the pretend or look alike that you think you have sometimes?" She is tough! That's not the first time someone ask me that question. Actually, someone have asked me that question at least once a day for the last four to five years. I laughed like I usually do, and my answer is always the same...When I finish school.
We discuss that topic for a while and she was relentless, so she asked me have you thought about what you would like that boyfriend to be like? Well, is not like I haven't had plently of time to think about it. Hahahaha...I have been apart from my ex-husband since 2007, and I have not been involved in a bilaterally committed relationship since. No, I am not traumatized, bitter, or given up....I am just too busy...strong headed and perhaps slightly selective.
She kept pushing, and she asked me to come up with a list of qualifications ..."in preparation to enter the dating scene". That's sounds scary, its a jungle out there.
I thought of some of my friends who made wonderful lists and even posters of the qualities they wanted in their future mates and the thought they put into it. They even read books about it in preparation. I thought of the possibility of cloning people I like, but after all that thinking I came up with this:
In the deep level: I want a man that is loving, kind, HONEST, TRANSPARENT, unselfish, great listener, strong spirit and personality but NEVER overpowering, someone that will treat my kids like a a part of me, fun, trustworthy, loyal, intelligent, confident.
In the shallow level: He should be a good dresser, fit, good looking, clean cut, professional, great teeth and some other qualities that I will rather keep private.
In the team level: I want a man that will not block my growth (because it will not last) but will enjoy it with me, will NOT attempt to slow me down, is patient (a necessity to protect his health), will NOT try to change me after he gets a foot in the door (because he could be heading out pretty quickly), I want someone that is not expecting a traditional "wife", because I am NOT a traditional woman.
It seems like I am pretty demanding, but I don't think I am. I have been divorce twice, and I want to find a partner for life, NOT a boyfriend. Any man could be a boyfriend but it takes a very special man to become THE ONE... that person that you want to have in your life forever, not because he is perfect but because he loves and respects you for who are. That man that is considerate of his actions affect you and is always mindful of that. The qualities in the "shallow pile" are all negotiable, but the others aren't. Not all have to be present, but most of them have to be. If many of those qualities are absent we still may be able to have a relationship but not a lifetime partnership.
I am worth it, and I don't settle for OK or average. You may have notice that I never use the word NEED, because in reality I don't need a man, ot a husband or a boyfriedn...I want one.
And yes, I may want to remarried one day, but like the Michael Buble song says "I haven't met you yet".
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