I Am Tired of Being Tired

   As I am reaching mid semester, tiredness has become part of existence. I have tried Ginseng, B-complex, energy drinks, 5- hr energy shots, coffee, and coffee with shots of espresso, and any combination of the above, and nothing seems to work. At times I am aware that I meet the criteria for caffeine intoxication. I don't even enjoy that cup of coffee any more, because it has become a necessity and not a pleasure like it used to be. I need it to stay awake and functional. I sleep more than ever- about 4-6 hrs a night and for a doctoral student that's golden.  It seems like the quality of the sleep has declined, since I wake up feeling more tired than before I went to bed.

I am so tired or being tired!

    In class today, I had a hard time concentrating. My thoughts were speeding, and I was thinking of my "special project" that I haven't start, the six research interviews that I have scheduled for tomorrow, my research presentation and paper,  my "special project" presentation, my chores list, my grocery shopping list, and many more things. I looked at the professor but couldn't decipher his words because my thoughts were on the way. 

   School work is piling up, and feels like a giant mountain in front of me. The more I work the bigger the mountain gets, and it's suppose to be the other way around. I continue to sacrifice people, including my children and I hope they understand. I am afraid one of these days they are going to ask me who am I. Is devastating when your own kids ask "why are you home early?"

  I laughed when someone told me that I was lucky. I remembered a quote I read a while back that said: "The more I work the luckier I get". What I have isn't called luck, but discipline and commitment...to my cause. And what is that cause? Improving myself to the highest level possible, and do what other women in my family weren't able to do because times were different. 

  In May I will look back at this great journey and will celebrate my accomplishment.