The Stories and Struggles of a DNP (doctor in nursing practice) Student and Single Mom: The Art of Listening

     I considered myself a great listener. I am so good at it that I even get paid to listen to others. I spend all day listening to stories of sadness, happiness, pain, trauma, shame, pride and at times despair. I feel honored that they chose me to tell their story.

     I don't only listen when I get paid, I also listen to co-workers, other nurses, and to anyone that wants to talk. I feel that people gravitate to me because of that skill. The stories they tell me, are all great and allow me to look into their soul and learn from their experience. What an intimate moment that is. By listening, I help to alleviate someone's load.

     But where do someone that gets paid to listen to people's stories goes to tell her own? Who will listen to mine? Who will help alleviate my load? Do I have to pay someone? Who can I talk to without feeling that I am burdening them?

     It's harder than you think to find someone that is willing to listen to my rambling about stress, confusion, my feelings of overwhelm, missing school deadlines, and upcoming deadlines that will not be met, etc.

     Today felt like I had a story to tell but I had no one to tell it to. Today I missed everyone that I have shared stories with, those good listeners that lend me their ear so I could vent. I missed that coffee break in the partial and having someone there that listen without judging. But because I couldn't find anyone to talk to I will paste my story in this page, and that way I will not feel like I am imposing on others as I understand that everyone carries their own cross.

     Since the semester started I feel out of place, disorganize. It didn't help that I have to change jobs in the midst of it. On a scale from 1-10 I will rate my level of stress at 26...way off the charts. I feel my head is a bomb that might explode at any minute and I risk to lose valuable information. I have two online courses and my Internet decides to work intermittently and for that reason I am delayed on everything. I had thoughts of shooting my computer, but soon realized that I don't own a gun. I wanted to start running but didn't have the energy. I wanted to sleep but the level of caffeine in my system wouldn't allow it. I wanted to start cursing but my son was next to me and I didn't want to freak him out, or make his ears bleed. I feel like I am on the verge of a meltdown. Despite all that I look calm, cool and collected, just because I have been trained for it, and because I trust my abilities. These classes aren't going to kick my ass, because I am going to kick theirs. Nothing will stop me from graduating in May.

So just in case you didn't understand me, I hope the graphics below tell you how I really feel.