My Hiking Trip

            I thought words were not necessary to describe the beauty of what I saw during my hike this morning. I went by myself and hiked for 8 miles, burned 1,930 calories, in close to 3 hrs and kept a heart rate of 140 beats/minute. I just need 36 more miles.

Hurt

Have you ever felt that you were punched without being touched?

Have you ever felt that the ground under your feet was shaken or even worse, removed?

Have you ever been accused of things that you couldn’t believe?

Have you ever been told things that shook your world, and the core of your being?

Have you ever been left speechless and disarmed to fight back because the attack was so vicious?

Have you ever doubt yourself after someone falsely accused you?

I have listened to many stories in my life of people that could answer “yes” to all these questions, including myself. Someone has wounded us, and we were left with the uncertainty of how to heal wounds that don’t respond to traditional treatments like stitching, ice, narcotics, antibiotics, gauze bandages or even skin grafts. Those wounds that someone, or a situation caused are of emotional nature, and the pain runs deep. Those wounds had left us impaired, defenseless and powerless. In many occasions the message is internalized, and becomes comfortable in our psyche. There is a constant process of questioning and attempting to find answers. Instead of answers, more questions arise, and they may go forever unanswered. Doubt and mistrust sets in, at times in the form of paranoia, but not the one based on a psychotic process, but the one that is based on fear... the fear of re-experiencing the pain, that feeling that felt so familiar.   

      At some point in our lives we all have been there. I remember feeling so broken after seeing that only pieces of me were left. I remember crying myself to sleep and applying ointments to my face so nobody, including my kids will notice the signs of pain and sadness. Those were the days that I overcompensated; I forced myself to laugh more and to be kinder to others. Later I read in the book with the words of the Dalai Lama that compassion helps cleanse the mind and the soul. Showing compassion to others was the ointment I needed.

      I do think that pain, even though is unwanted, it could be taken as an opportunity for growth, to improve ourselves.  It’s a chance to reassess our behavior, our choices, especially who we allow inside our circle, that intimate place reserved for few. Today, I accept that I am in pain, and I have decided to have compassion for the ones that hurt me. When they stabbed me I saw a window to their soul, and that was a worse place than mine.

     As part of my healing...for the next month I will hike 44 miles in significance of my years of life, as a way to cleanse my thoughts and soul from anything that's not healthy and will prevent me from growing as a human being. During hikes I am able to meditate and gain insight into my own behavior.

There is a quote from the Dalai Lama that says: The mind's own basic nature is ultimately neutral. It can be influence by negative as well as positive emotions." ...so I need to do my part!