As the summer is winding down, I can't help but analyze what had happened since this wonderful season started. Its been a crazy ride, crazier than Bizarro, that great roller coaster in Six Flags that I am terrified of. The problem in life is that the rides aren't always avoidable like I chose to do in the amusement park.
I started the summer disorganized and with lots of plans. I ended the summer disorganized and with lots plans. I guess I could get an A for being consistent. I had about 10 books I wanted to read. I read one and the other one bored me to death half way, so I dropped it. Just in case you care to know which is the book that bored me, it was Fifty Shades of Grey. I couldn't understand the rave about it...or maybe I was just jealous of the fantastic sexual life that Anastasia Steele had.
During the summer I traveled the continuum of emotions from a great deal of stress to the thrill of going out with friends, family get togethers and vacation. During stressfull times I had to depend on people. If you know me well, you will know that's a stressor on its own. I am a fan of self reliance. I always depend on my own means and internal resources. I found the greatest support in my family, as always. I realized that not everyone that says "I will help you" really does, and not everyone that is capable of helping chooses to share their means. I don't mean money but other resources.
I had a few loses. Some hurt me more than others. Some hit the core of my being. There are wounds that are bleeding but eventually will heal. As I age I realize that interpersonal relationships are so complicated and I think I have lost the patience to deal with them. Or maybe they were always like that and I didn't know better. I saw myself focusing on other things to avoid dealing with my own and hated myself at then end...I lost and I gain. Sounds like an oxymoron, but it isn't. I am proud that despite knowing being in the losing team in many ocassions, I still played the game and gave it my best shot. I lived to the fullest but that wasn't enough, I gave but not enough, I loved but not enough, I cared but not enough, I was nice but not enough, I was kind but not enough, I was good but not good enough....I don't need negative people in my life. Neither friends that make me feel like I am in the clearance rack. I love myself. Some may think that's arrogant to say but I will label it self worth.
As the fall enters and nature will go through that wonderful transformation, I am choosing to go through it as well. Just like the trees in the fall I will let go of all the dead leaves and in the spring I will be looking forward to that wonderful rebirth.
