The Power of the Spoken Word

     I have never been a big woman, and I seriously mean that. I have a small 5 ft. frame and look like I am shorter than that. I have a healthy body weight, and I think I have a good level of fitness. I eat great, and exercise almost daily. Within the last year I went from a size 2 to a size 4. Most people didn't notice the difference. This morning I encountered a woman that did, and  in a very odd way she made reference to my weight gain and my new size. Is that only in America that a size four is fat? I allowed that comment to bother me, and that bothered me even more than the comment itself. That comment was like sepsis, it starts slowly but it could be deadly. The vector injected its toxin this morning and I chose to become the carrier for the whole day.
     I am using my blog not to vent anger, because the damage didn't go that far, but to remind my friends and myself about the power of the spoken word. There is a quote that I like that says "we see things not the way they are, but the way we are". It is amazing how sometimes we believe that we have the right to intrude into someone else's life and give unwanted advice. There is an air of arrogance when we give an opinion and immediately assumed they we are correct. Do we have to say everything that comes to mind and make a fool of ourselves?  Is it worth it to risk a relationship because we wanted to express our opinion?

    I am a believer that our body is our temple and we should preserve it and cherish it. Can we tell people how how to protect their temple? No, because everyone will do that the way they find appropriate, and fitting to their lifestyle. Just be mindful of the power of the words, since they are like a loaded weapon. Do you want to use it to protect, or to kill? The choice is yours, so are are the consequences.

   From my instant Karma book I will share some thoughts with you:
         1) avoid adopting other's negative behavior
         2) surround yourself with inspiration
         3) have no doubts
         4) give confidence to others
         5) teach by example
         6) make it a point to be happy where you are
   An from my heart - love yourself, even when the world hates you. Next time I see this woman, I will  pause and tell her how great she looks.

   Just as a final thought, she probably meant phat which means wonderful and terrific. What do you think? Am i being too positive? Oh, well I have to say that in positive energy I am a plus size and proud of it.

Happy Father's Day to my Mother

     It's Father's day and I don't know who should I congratulate on this day. I wasn't blessed with a great father. Should I called him because of protocol?  As this  day goes by it is a reminder of all the beautiful things I didn't experience. I can't say that I missed anything because, how can I miss what I never had?
I know that as I was growing up something was different. I never saw my father in any school activity, or my sixth grade graduation when I received my high honors medal. He wasn't there for any teacher - parent conference, or when I was sick, or when a boy broke my heart for the first time. My father wasn't there to walk me down the aisle when I married. I don't even think he remembers the day I was born, because he has never said happy birthday. He was physically in my life but absent in all other possible ways.

    So, who do I congratulate on this special day? The answer is easy, I will congratulate my mother who has always been there for me since I remember. She took the role of father and mother and did it gracefully. I will congratulate my grandfather Joaquin, who was always there for me and went to heaven too soon. I always wished he was my dad. I will congratulate my brothers who protect me and love without limits, and who chose a different approach to parenthood. Also my grandmother Emilia who always believed in me even when I messed up.

     I had a great family who always made me feel like I had it all, and as an adult I realized that I did...I had and have it all.
  
    Not everything was bad about my dad, he taught me a great lesson. From him I learned the type of a parent that I shouldn't be. I want to make my children a priority in my life. I don't want to be average, I want to be great. They will never have to feel alone, because I will always be with them. I feel sad for my dad because he missed out in so many things that will never come back, because there isn't a second chance. I am not angry or bitter, I had forgiven him a long time ago.

    I want to wish a Happy Father's Day to my mother and to my brothers who are the kind of father that every kid will want to have.

  

  
  

A Remarkable Woman

    At the end of the year 2001 I met a woman that forever changed my life. She was my biggest support during my son's pregnancy when things were not going well. She was there through my separation from my husband and my divorce. I never felt alone, and I always knew she was near. She is much older than me but when we are together the age gap dissipates and we are just two woman. Sometimes she says I am like her daughter, but I have never seen her as such. She is more like a big sister, a wonderful one. We misbehaved together, we guard each other's secret, we push each other to do better, we have each other's back, no matter what. She is one of those woman that you could say was born in a sunny day, because she's always in a great mood. Her personality is always bigger than the space she is in. She hates to be ignored, and I wonder, who can ignore her vibrant personality? We have been together in good times, great times, sad times and very low points of each other's lives. Our relationship is strong. It is one of those relationships in which you are allowed to be who we are. We don't have to pretend, we are free.

     She is always been an open bragging book for her two children- a boy and a girl. I love to hear her stories, because I learned from them and above all because she is a great story teller. She has always been there for her kids- when she was proud and when she wasn't. Her love for them is unconditional.

     Recently I saw my friend in the saddest mood I have ever seen her. She was at her lowest point. Her pain was unimaginable for me. She was experiencing the biggest pain a woman could ever experience. My friend lost her boy. That young man that made her eyes twinkle, and her heart skip a beat, the one who made the best sandwiches, the one that made her laugh, the one that gave her her first grand kids, the one that shook her world, and kept her on her toes.

     At the funeral she spoke about him, and that was such a healing moment. It was powerful to hear a mother talking about her son in such a profound way. He looked as peaceful as he always was, like he was in a deep sleep. I wish I could have awaken him, and give my friend one more day with her loving son. I wish he had the chance to say "I love you ma'" like he always did. I was there, near her all the way until the final good bye. She needed me, and I needed her her. We cried together, we reminisced. I needed to know that she was going to be OK.

     I have to say that I was horrified at people's curiosity and how insensitive some of the comments and questions were- "was it a suicide?", how did he died?, "was it a drug overdose?".   I never had to ask her, because I don't need to know that. Her pain isn't based on the cause of death. What I know is that my friend is in pain and if she wants me to know she will tell me, but she knows she doesn't have to. Seeing her in so much pain brought me back to a book that I read about grieving, and the specific quote said, "My sorrow is so wide/ I cannot see across it;/ And so deep I shall never/ Reach the bottom of it". I know that she will agree with that poem from Rexroth.

     Her son was never alone, and she will never be...because she has me. From my friend I learned how to be a better mother, a better woman, a better professional, a better friend and  just a better person.

     I know that she will be OK, because she is such a strong force and because of all the people that loves her. We are in this difficult journey together.