Deja vu

     So you could understand my story I have to tell you that I have been married twice, and have one daughter from my first marriage and three children from my second.

     When my sixteen year old daughter was about five we had a discussion about her older sister visiting her father in Puerto Rico for summer vacation. When she heard that, her cute little face changed. She had the look of horror. That innocent comment created great commotion and confusion. She couldn't understand the concept that I was previously married, and that her older sister and her had a different biological father. She continued to process that information for days. She wanted to feel connected to her sister and she assumed my ex-husband was her father also. One morning she told her father, "dad, I am going to Puerto Rico with my real family". Her father's face was priceless. the mess in head grew bigger when she in her little head she thought that my first husband's children were mine and that I had abandoned them, so she needed to reunite. What a mess she had created in her head, or did I create the mess when I re-married and had more children? It's a matter of perspective. She finally understood and now we could laugh about it.

     I thought that was all over but a few days ago my son - now 8- overheard my oldest daughter talking about a trip to Puerto Rico to visit her father. My son made a comment about his father, and they told him the truth..."you and I don't have the same dad".  He's been in a state of shock since, and still can't believe that is real, he thinks someone is playing a bad joke on him. He still processing the information given. I am wondering what is going on inside his head. He probably thinks I abandoned some kids in Puerto Rico. Or maybe he will tell me that he will move away with his real family. I don't know why we as adults  make life so complicated to cause children to go through such stressful moments.

    It's interesting to see how both kids had the same reaction eleven years apart. After he recovers from the shock of the news we'll laugh about it, as of now he still working on it. I am happy that I am not having any more kids because I don't want to go through this once more.

A Proud Moment

     It's mothers day and I am not thinking of myself, but about my kids. It is because of them I have this label of Mother, that I carry with pride.
    Since I have children I had many proud moments, and I recently enjoyed another one. On May 6  I went to the Senior Art Show at Emmanuel College and was impressed with my daughter's thesis which was on display. Her work reflected the intense process she went through. It was impressive!

    She had made a book titled "Letters from No One". On the wall there there was a quote to describe her project and it said:  "People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is that the only place they ever needed to search is within." Ramona L. Anderson

     The book contained 15 anonymous letters that described difficult relationships and portrayed different degrees of abuse and trauma. Then she had 15 pictures to represent those letters. The depth of the letters was unbelievable and they were a great example of human resiliency. The pictures were even more powerful.

     I then realized that my daughter has grown up so much since that day that I helped her move into the dorm at her college. There was the realization of this fantastic transformation, a complete metamorphosis. She isn't a girl anymore, she is a wonderful woman. There is so much of me in her, and so much of her in me.

     I am so proud of my daughter Stephanie, because she is able to be herself, to realize her dreams, to make her own choices, to create a life that she is happy with, to use my teachings and adapt them to her own needs, she is above the influence. Now she will be graduating in May 14 and I will be there to celebrate that milestone, and to show her that she makes me a very proud mother.  

     To my beautiful Stephanie I need to apologize because her being my first born, she thaugt me as she grew and I made so many mistakes that still bring tears to my eyes. I  made all the possible mistakes and more with her.  I wish I had her witty when I was her age. She is such a great example to her sibblings, and myself, and I love that she is my daughter.